recovering from three days at the bar

one year later.....

2009-02-24T15:56:00.000-08:00

today is the beginning of the february 2009 bar, meaning it has been one full year since i sat for the california bar exam. good luck to all of my friends testing today!

as you have probably noticed, i haven't posted much in the past year since i finished the exam. i'm going to leave this blog up so future takers may use it as a resource, but i don't plan on adding any new posts as i don't really have anything new to say about the bar. i do have a new blog that i will be posting on, but its more about keeping family/friends updated as to what's going on in my life and will probably contain little, if any, information about studying for the bar.

as always, if you're preparing for the bar and need some advice (or just someone to rant to), please feel free to email me at elleyjaye@hotmail.com. i don't use that email address much, so it may take me a few days to respond. also, if you have a blog, let me know and i'd be happy to add it to my list of blogs on the sidebar.

thanks, and good luck!

peace.
- L

congrats

2008-08-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

i haven't posted in a while, i just moved into a new place and have been doing some traveling for work, so i haven't been around a computer that much lately.

congratulations to everyone who just took the july bar!! great to have it over with, isn't it?! i'm sure it feels so wonderful to know that you conquered this great task.

the most frustrating thing for me was waiting for results to come out. what is it.....3 months until you find out if you're doing it again? and by the time results come out its late enough in the year that if you failed, you'll feel like you need to start studying for the next one the DAY results come out.

but all of that can wait. you can't change how you did now, so just relax and enjoy your free time for the next couple of months. go out and do all the things you've missed over the last few months. spend time with people again, and talk about things other than the bar. i know this sounds lame, but you should be proud of all the effort and hard work you put into this. many people never take on a challenge as great as this. regardless of whether you pass or fail, at least you tried. there's something to be said for that.

congratulations!

my experiences studying for the bar

2008-06-09T17:52:00.000-07:00

i thought i should probably describe my game plan for studying for the bar in case anyone reading this is preparing for the july '08 bar. i'm certainly no expert, i feel extremely lucky to have passed on the first try, so all of the following should be taken with a grain of salt. i assure you, your tutors, bar prep teachers, law school professors are much more knowledgable than i, and their advice is worth much more than mine. that being said...... :)

i apologize in advance for the length of this post. i'm primarily going to talk about the physical (studying) preparation this post, and will next time write about mentally dealing with preapring for the exam.

while in law school, i took all classes that would be on the bar, except that i never got around to taking Con Law II. so, about a month before i started preparing for the bar exam, i checked out an "examples and explanations" book on con law ii from my law school and just skimmed one chapter a week so i would have a basic idea of the subject when i began to study it in preparation for the bar. i think this helped a lot, and would certainly recommend that: 1) take all the classes that will be on the bar, if possible. 2) if not possible, get one of those canned outline books or another good summary of the subject and at least glance it over. even just a very basic knowledge is better than nothing.

i was nervous about preparing for the bar because i first started law school in the fall of 2003...a long, LONG time ago. i ended up having to take a medical leave of absence after my first year, but returned a year later to finish. so, my first year (which as you know makes up a LOT of the subjects on the bar) was a year before everyone else who i was studying with. including my medical leave of absence, law school was a 4.5 year endeavor for me, compared to the 3 years it took most of the other people i was taking the bar with. so, i felt as if i was at a disadvantage and thus tried to study harder and decided that a barbri class was necessary for me.

i highly recommend taking some kind of bar prep class, whether you choose barbri, pmbr, bar passers, etc., is up to you. i'm a pretty firm believer that they're all pretty much the same, so decide what works for you. i wanted to take a prep class because i knew i would be so exhausted from always studying that i wouldn't want to come up with my own schedule. it was very nice having someone hand me a schedule, say "read these outlines on these nights, do these MBE questions on these days, write these essays..." because that was one less thing i had to worry about.

i followed the schedule pretty closely. i would usually read the short outline instead of the long one, but i did all the practice MBEs and essays they told me too. like i said, i felt at a disadvantage and knew i had to make up for it somehow. if you've glanced at materials from your first year throughout law school, then maybe you won't need to do every single question.

the exam was the last week of february, so i studied from christmas up until the exam. my schedule while studying for the bar was: i would be in the barbri class from 9am -1pm every day, eat lunch for 30 min., then either go to work or head to the library. i continued to work during the month of january, but took the entire month of february off. during january, i would go to work usually 3 times a week. on days where i went to work, i would go to work right after my barbri class, and stay until 5pm. then i would usually stop at the gym for a quick workout, and go straight to my law school's library. fortunately my law school had a student break room, so i would just eat dinner in there. i'd study at the library usually until 10pm or so. as i mentioned earlier, i would do whatever was on the barbri schedule for that night. usually that included reviewing whatever material was covered in the class that day, skim over the material that was to be covered the next day, and do practice MBE and essay questions.

for the essays, i tried to write out at least one full answer for each subject, and outline all the other essay questions for that subject. i would highly recommend, if you don't have time to even outline all the other questions. at least read the question and think about it. you want to be prepared for whatever the bar examiners may throw at you.

for the MBE questions, by the time the exam rolled around, i had completed every question in the barbri MBE book. i also signed up for an online MBE practice website. i forget what it was called. i know micromash has one, but i signed up for one that was cheaper. by the time of the exam, i had taken over 2500 practice MBE questions. i know many people completed much more. i found it helpful to review every single answer, even quickly skimming the answers of the ones i got right. at the very least, study the answers of the ones you got wrong, and perhaps make a mark next to questions you guessed on and look over the answer even if you got it right to make sure you KNOW why you got it right. a lot can be learned from your mistakes.

on days where i didn't have to work, after the barbri class and lunch i would go to my school law library and just study for the rest of the day. i would usually take a break around 4pm and usually go to the gym, then come back and resume studying. i went to the gym about 4 days a week, so on the off days i would either go watch tv in the break room or go play pool in my school's rec room (i discovered pool is a GREAT stress reliever and distraction). as the exam neared and i became exhausted, i would usually just put my head down on my desk, keep my earplugs in, pull my hood from my sweatshirt over my head, and take a litte nap. of course, then its a little awkward when you wake up and your study neighbor is staring at you because you were snoring. ;)

on days where i didn't have the barbri class (which was sundays), i'd get up and go straight to the law library and study for most of the day. then, usually around 3pm i'd leave. sunday afternoons were always my "free" time, to do things like grocery shopping, clean, laundry, or even just relax. i'll write more about the mental aspects of coping with the bar next time.

in addition to the barbri class and the online MBE practice website, i also took a one day performance test (PT) workshop. i discovered very quickly that the PT was difficult for me. i'm still not sure why, since that's the kind of task i've done regularly at my jobs/internships for the past 2+ years, but it is. so, i knew i needed some extra help in that area, and the barbri lectures and books on the PT had me totally confused. so, i decided that the workshop would be well worth the cost. and boy, was it ever! i found it extremely helpful, and my performance on the PT was drastically increased. i hated spending all this extra money on prep classes and materials, but my philosophy throughout studying for the bar was "i only want to do this once." i'm sure no one says to themself "i'd LOVE to take the california bar exam 2, maybe even 3 times, if i'm lucky." no one wants to take it more than once, so make sure you put that plan into action.

i'm a visual memorizer, so i made flash cards for all of the MBE subjects. i got those cheesy colored 3x5 cards and assigned a different color to each MBE subject. then, for the non MBE subjects, i made short outlines. the barbri outlines were anywhere from 15-70+ pages. especially as the exam neared, i needed something smaller and easier to study from, so i made my own short outlines by using the barbri outlines and taking out stuff that wasn't critical. i probably still have some saved on my computer if you want to see an example. many people, including barbri, will tell you that making your own outlines is a waste of time. that may be true, it probably depends on how you learn. i didn't completely recreate the outline, i just shortened barbri's. and, i found my short outlines especially helpful for the new california subjects (civ pro, evidence) so i could highlight the differences between federal and CA law. this was helpful for me, but you may have a better solution.

i studied up until the day before the exam, which always begins on a tuesday. the previous sunday i looked over my flash cards and short outlines, especially in the subjects i knew i was weak on. monday morning, i did a practice run to see how long it would take me to drive to the location, park, and walk to the place of the exam. i did it at the exact same time i would need to the next morning, so i got up early, showered, and drove down there as if it was the real thing. then i studed until noon and took the rest of the day off to relax.

the morning of the exam, for all three mornings, i woke up and did 30 min. of yoga to help me keep from getting stressed. then, i would do about 10 MBE questions before going to take the exam. i didnt check the answers, the purpose was more to get my brain working. i don't know about you, but it takes me a while to wake up in the morning. i didn't want the first thing i thought about that morning to be the REAL exam.

okay, that's it for now. sorry this turned into a frickin' book! :) next time i'll write about the other things to do to prepare. feel free to email me if you have any questions, at elleyjaye@hotmail.com. i don't check that email very often (thus the posting it on the web and subjecting it to what i expect to be a buttload of spam) so it may take a few days to get back to you.

out.
- L

well, it's official....

2008-06-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

i was sworn in two days ago. booyah!!! i have to admit, up until thursday i expected to receive a call any minute from the committee of bar examiners telling me they made a mistake and i in fact did NOT pass. the good news.....the call never came. now i've been sworn in, there's no way they can take it back! man, did i fool them!!

the ceremony was nice. since i went to law school here in san diego, my school had a breakfast for us new admittees before the ceremony. it was cool to see other people from my school who had passed, although i was surprised at the small number of new admittees from my school. i only saw 10 of us (its very possible there were a few i missed) out of about 35 of us who took the exam. i do know 2 people for sure who were unable to attend the ceremony, so perhaps there were many more. i hope so, i'd like to see my school's bar passage rate increase.

unfortunately my family and friends couldn't come to the ceremony since none of my family lives here and all of my friends (who were not being admitted) had to work. but, i did make friends with the guy sitting next to me...i made him take a goofy picture of me taking the oath and did the same for him. taking the oath was kind of fun...raising my right hand and swearing to defend the constitution made this all seem real, finally! now i'm a cool lawyer, like this guy....

it's a great feeling that this is finally all over with. i feel very fortunate to have passed the exam on my first try...i can't imagine doing that all over again, and really do have a lot of respect for people who take it more than once.

congratulations to all the other new admittees, and good luck to everyone preparing for the july exam! i'll try and post this week about what i did to prepare for the exam, in case anyone's looking for some tips. and, feel free to send me an email you may have with any questions about studying!

out.
- L

what's in a name?

2008-05-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

as you may have noticed, i changed the name of my blog. i got the former title of my blog from a t-shirt i received as a law school graduation gift from an exboyfriend. on the front of the t-shirt it said "so, a girl walks into a bar...." and then on the back, in big bold letters, it said "EXAM." i thought it was pretty clever so i borrowed that title for my blog.

it turns out someone else uses this same title. in fact, after doing a search, many people use this title. one woman included a post on her blog about how i had copied her blog title, so i decided it was easiest to change mine, as i never intended to copy her title, nor did i even know i had until i started receiving emails from her blog readers.

i did a search first to see if anyone else uses my new title "recovering from three days at the bar." the search came up negative, so i'm hoping this title is safe. if you do in fact use this same title, instead of posting something on your blog so your blog readers send me emails about what a horrible person i am for borrowing a slogan from a t-shirt i own, just let me know and i would be more than happy to change my title. i have much respect for all my fellow bloggers, especially those that undertake the great endeavor that is the bar exam and post their experiences so others who will take the exam can know what to expect. i think blogging is a great way to stay sane, focused, and not overwhelm our friends/family with incessant "bar talk."

thank you.

- L

and the results are in.....

2008-05-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

I passed! What a great feeling.

More later, off to celebrate.

Best of luck to everyone else. You're all in my thoughts!

i hate the mail

2008-05-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

i've been doing my best all week to ignore the fact that this friday is "the day." [i just finished reading a book called "alas, babylon" where the characters use the term "the day" to refer to the day america was destroyed by nuclear bombs - i've adopted the term.]

but, its really hard to forget about what happens tomorrow when i'm constantly reminded of it. phone calls, emails, words of support from family and friends. but now, even the stupid mail is reminded me of bar results. all week i have been receiving mail from bar prep programs inviting me to join their bar prep classes for the july exam. apparently they're so sure i failed, they send the info out before results are released ;)

and the letters are great, they usually say something like "are you that idiot that failed the bar exam? if so, we have just the program for you!"

okay....not quite like that, but that's how they make me feel. they don't even acknowledge the chance that the reader may have passed.....they don't say something like "congratulations if you passed the exam! however, if you didn't, i'd like to take the time to tell you about our program..."

stupid bar programs and their stupid mail. i think i need to get a mailbox like this:

tomorrow is going to be a very long day. not much going on at work this week, so that will be slow. i'll probably leave early, go home, and get all good and drunk so that by the time i'm checking my score, i'm laughing regardless.

good luck to everyone! keep me updated.

out.
- L

SIX days???????

2008-05-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

wow. i just checked those little countdown clocks on my fellow bar bloggers sites and realized there are only SIX days until results are released. i suppose i could have easily figured that out if i was counting, but i'm still under the delusion that i'm not worrying with every breah i take what the results will say.

it's weird, i haven't been thinking about it at all until about a week ago, and now, i have a difficult time thinking about anything else. my non-law school friends and family regularly ask when results come out (since it HAS been two-and-a-half months since we took the exam). i still always tell them "they come out in a few weeks." even now when it's only SIX days, i give the same ridiculous answer. i know i'll have to call everyone next weekend and tell them how i did, i just don't want a million phone calls next friday from people asking.

and after i respond that results come out in a few weeks, friends and family always say that phrase that i hate....

"don't worry, i bet you rocked the exam. you're smart, how could you not?"

it's great that people are so supportive, and have so much confidence in me. but the people who say things like that clearly don't understand the bar exam. because let's face it....very few people "rock" the bar exam. and, smarts doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. everyone who takes the bar exam made it through 4 years of college and 3 years of law school...that's pretty smart in my book. and yet over half of those people DON'T pass the exam.

also, because my laptop crashed during the exam, i didn't even get to finish thursday's essays and PT. so, while i'm trying to be positive and hope for the best, i am realistic enough to know that my chances are not good. but when people say things like they are so sure i passed, it makes it that much harder to call them next week and tell them i didn't.

a part of me just wants to know, even if i failed, because waiting is probably worse than anything. but, another part of me wants to continue to live in the ignorant bliss of still having a chance. i cleaned out all my barbri books from my locker at school this week and had an eerie feeling as i entered the building after being away for three months. all i kept thinking is..."i hope i'm not here next week studying again." i don't know if i can do that again. i have complete respect for people who take the exam more than once, knowing how difficult and challenging it was just once.

it certainly does help to stop by other bloggers' sites and know that i'm not the only one that is starting to get a little nervous. thank god for the internet.

the waiting game

2008-05-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

i haven't written anything in a while because i really don't have much to say at this point. results come out in approximately 10 days. since the exam, i have done a pretty good job of forgetting about results and focusing on having a social life again. but, now that "the day" is near, i'm getting a little nervous and antsy. i think at this point, i just want to know, whether it's good or bad.

i feel like so much in my life right now is dependent upon how i do. if i passed, do i stay in san diego, or look for a job as an attorney elsewhere in california? if i didn't pass, should i move outside of california and give a different state a try? should i stay at my current job? should i take the test again in july, or wait until february? as a single woman, does it make any sense to start dating now, or should i hold off since i may be too busy studying to have a relationship?

i'm so tired of thinking about all this. the good news is, i did pass the moral character background check. who would have thought.....me....MORAL? ;)

out.
- L

easter sunday

2008-03-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

happy easter! i don't really celebrate easter, since i don't consider myself a christian, but its once of those nice things i do for the family. so, in the tradition of my love of blasphemic images, this is my favorite easter picture:

nothing says "easter" like a bunny trying to do a chicken.

hope the easter beagle brought you all something good.

am i the only one that thinks snoopy was on something?

out.
- L

ten days later

2008-03-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

i'm still getting used to having the exam over with. i took a few days off, went back to work on wednesday. it's weird being back at work. after spending so much time studying over the past few months, i have this constant feeling that i'm supposed to be doing something. like tonight, i feel like i should be doing something besides laying on the couch reading a book. i feel like something's missing. don't get me wrong, i loooooove not having to study and i love this new free time i have, but it's a weird feeling. i've basically been in school for the past 24 years, with the exception of my year medical leave of absence. i feel like being a student is what has defined me for so long, that it's going to take some time getting used to NOT being a student anymore!

of course, i may be studying for the july bar again in just a few months. i don't think i did too well on the exam...having to handwrite on thursday disrupted my confidence a little. but, i'm fairly proud of how i handled the whole thing, so if i have to take it again, it will be alright. hopefully next time i won't be faced with quite so many challenges.

i sent my laptop off to be fixed last week. it's weird not having it - that thing has been my life for the past few months. i was good about backing up all of my school/bar exam materials, but unfortunately i was not good about backing up my pictures, and my laptop is where i stored most of my pictures. i'm pretty sad about that because i know i lost a lot of good pictures that were important to me. such is life.

i have, however, been enjoying slowly getting my life back. it's nice to be able to spend time with friends again. i had a visitor from out of town last week - it was fun to be able to spend time with him, something i wouldn't have been able to do if he was in town just a week earlier. i still need to read more news articles and magazines to have topics of conversation besides the bar, but at least it doesn't rule my life anymore. for now. :)

it's crazy to think what we law students put up with just to be a lawyer. i wonder how many of us really want to be lawyers, or if we just feel we owe it to ourselves to see this thing through after 3 years plus dealing with the bar plus hundreds of thousands of dollars. what could we possibly be BUT lawyers after all this shiz? being a lawyer better be awesome.

out.
- L

and so it ends.

2008-02-29T15:27:00.000-08:00

well, the bar is over.

wooooooooo hooooooooo!

that sucked. i thought the exam itself was very difficult, as i expected it would be. but for me, the biggest challenge was when my laptop crashed wednesday night. at about 9pm i tried to turn it on, and.....nothing. the lights on the keyboard came on, but the screen was blank. so, i tried to remain calm, turned on my desktop computer to do a little research to see if this was a common problem and there was an easy solution. after searching for about an hour with nothing, i decided to call hp tech support.

the first person i talked to spoke very broken english with a heavy accent, so heavy that i couldn't understand what he was saying. after about 30 minutes of that, he finally put someone else on the phone. she also had an accent, but i could at least understand her. but, it quickly became clear she wasn't understanding me. our conversation went something like this:

me: my laptop isn't working. the screen is completely blank - i can't get anything to come up. i can't get to windows, i can't see anything.

hp rep: okay. thank you for calling hp. i understand this must be frustrating for you. now, go to the start menu on windows, and select restart the computer.

me: but, i can't get to the start menu. my screen is completely blank...i can't see a thing.

hp rep: okay. i understand that you're screen is blank. now, click on the start menu and select "system restore." this will restore your computer to its settings a few days ago.

me: i can't get to windows to do a system restore. i can't click on anything. i don't think you're understanding me.

hp rep: i'm sorry, let's try something else. press control, alt, and delete, and click on the "restart" option on the shut down pull down men.

me: can i speak to someone who's not retarded?

finally at about 1am, after getting nowhere, i decided to just go to bed. so, i ended up handwriting all of thursday's exam. unfortunately, i haven't handwritten anything more than my grocery list in probably a year.

about half way through thursday's afternoon session, my hand started to hurt. like, really hurt. it cramped up and i couldn't hold the pen anymore. at one point, i had to take the pen with my left hand and shove it in my right hand, and hold my right hand closed around the pen with my left hand. by the end of the exam, my right hand looked like this:

fortunately holding a cold beer quickly afterwards helped :)

my hand is still swollen and i can't move it much, but forunately it can hold a cup, which is about all i need it to do for the next few days. :)

i think it's going to take some getting used to being done with the exam. i still woke up at 5am this morning like i have for satan knows how long, hungover of course, but ready to study.

i'll write more about the exam later. now, i think it's about time for a nap. because i can.

congratulations to everyone who's done!!! forget about the exam, and think about all the things you get to do now that it's over. like have a life again.

out.

- L

kryptonite

2008-02-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

only two days to go. or, more like a day and a half. i'm both nervous and anxious for it to be here so i can get this shit over with. seriously, i just want my life back.

i think i'll probably continue to study for the rest of today, but then take most of tomorrow off to relax and focus. i have to work on my performance tests (PT) today - for some reason those things are like my kryptonite. for my non-bar friends, a PT is like a simulated real life task we might get from a supervising attorney such as to write a memo, write an appellate brief, an opening or closing statement, a letter to the client, etc. we're not expected to have any independent knowledge, everything we'll need to know (all the facts and case law) are provided in the PT test.

i have no idea why i have so much trouble with the PT, especially since i worked during my 2nd and 3rd years of law school, also did an internship, and have been working since i graduated in august. all those jobs required me to do the kinds of things the PT tests. and, i never had any trouble with any of those things. it baffles me.

i like the word "baffles". it reminds me of waffles.

my sister came to visit me this weekend and brought me homemade muffins! she came to visit a few weeks ago and brought a lasagna for me to freeze. she's so good to me. it's so nice to eat food that doesn't come in a frozen box and takes longer than 4.5 minutes to cook.

guess i better get back to this PT. if only i was superwoman. or....is it supergirl? i don't even remember. one day, i'll remember things again.

out.
-L

2008-02-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

i started crying the other day. finally. i'm not really a big crier, i only cry when something bad happens, or on the rare happy occasion. but i've never been one of those women who just....cries. its just not in my genes i guess. but, the other day, i was sitting and studying, and i said to myself "i don't want to do this anymore" (as i say everyday to myself) and then next thing i knew i was crying. it actually caught me by surprise, i wasn't expecting to cry, nor did i really feel it come on.

but, i found it was actually rather helpful in dealing with the stress. it helped me gain focus and it kind of inspired me. as soon as i was done crying, i was ready to rock the bar exam. so, i've decided that maybe i should start making myself cry everyday. but, that's a lot easier said then done.

if only the media would start picking on britney spears more so i could cry too.

out.
- L

i'm turning into an old lady

2008-02-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

studying for the bar has turned me into an old lady. i have five gray (or is it grey?) hairs! FIVE!!!! that is way too many for a 28 year old lady. i only had 2 when i started studying. and, in the past two months of studying, my eyesight has gotten noticeably worse. i used to only need my glasses when driving at night or after a long day of reading or staring at a computer. now, i can barely see without my glasses on, and its clear that they are no longer strong enough as i'm getting headaches constantly. but, unfortunately i don't have time to go get new glasses right now, so that will have to wait until after the bar.

my joints and muscles have also become very stiff lately, undoubtedly from sitting on my ass all day long. so, i've started doing yoga again. i used to be way into it a while ago, but then for some reason kind of got out. i've always thought its a good way to manage stress and improve flexibility to make me better at, you know, the business, so i decided to take it up again to help deal with my overwhelming stress. there's also some new craze called "laughing yoga" where you just laugh to release stress. i haven't tried it out yet, but after watching this video, i'm definitely considering it. this dude is the shiz.

i can't wait until i can go back to feeling only twice my age, not four times. unless i can be like this cool lady...then i wouldn't mind. ;)

"lost" is on in a few minutes, it's the only tv i'm allowed to watch these days. tonight kate and sawyer are gonna do it, and there's no way i'm missing that, so i gotta go.

out.
- L

one is the lonliest number

2008-02-19T22:33:00.000-08:00

studying for the bar is a very lonely endeavor. it's weird to say that, because i'm constantly surrounded by people right now. there are lots of other people at the library daily, whether its other bar studiers or regular law students. and yet, it still feels very lonely. no one really understands what this is like. its difficult sometimes talking to friends and family because its like they don't get it, and i don't know how to explain it. most of my friends and family are extremely supportive and regularly send emails or texts or leave phone messages with words of encouragement, and many friends have sent cards or cookies, or giftcards, or something else very sweet like that, and all of those things are appreciated more than my mere words of gratitude could ever express. but it's extremely frustrating that no one understands what i'm going through, and as of late has led to me basically avoiding people.

and, even other people studying for the bar can't necessarily relate to each other. we all have our own challenges and our own difficulties, and its impossible to understand what each other is going through. because i've had heart problems in the past, i've started to check my blood pressure to make sure its not extremely high. naturally, its going to be high right now because this is the most stress i've ever been under. but, i have to check to make sure its not at heart attack levels, like it has been at some points in the past. and, if i check it and its high, i then have to do what i can to convince myself not to get nervous about that, because it will only make it higher.

i don't mean to make it sound like i have it so hard and no one can understand - everyone studying for the bar with me has their own challenges. some people are older and have families, so in addition to studying, they have a family to take care of. 3 women in my bar prep class are pregnant!! i can't even begin to imagine that. i'm lucky because i live alone and don't have a family here, so i can do what i need to without having that additional obligation.

i haven't had much time to hang out with friends, and i wouldn't subject my friends to the rollercoaster of emotions that is me right now, so studying has become that much lonlier. i think this is probably the longest i've ever gone without being touched [and by touched i only mean something like a hug....get your mind out of the gutter ;) ] it's a weird feeling - even though i'm around a lot of people, many of whom i've really come to like over the past few months, i still feel very isolated.

i'm anxious to rejoin society and be able to be with people again :)

out.
- L

vday

2008-02-15T01:28:00.000-08:00

the days are all kind of the same for me, especially now that class is over, so i had no idea what today was. at least, not until i walked out to my car early this morning and found the two neighborhood cats doing it on top of my hood. then i knew it must be valentine's day.

for being stuck in the library for 13 hours today, i actually had a pretty decent valentine's day! i received a very sweet valentine's card and a box of cookies, both sent through the mail! who knew men still mailed things?! and, my mom sent me a gift card that's good at a bunch of stores, including the grocery store, bed bath and beyond, home depot, starbucks, etc. my moms is the shiz.

although my vday was pretty good considering, i'm still adding it to the list of things that gets saved until after the bar...like new years! march 1st is new years day for me, so i may as well make march 14th valentine's day again so i can really celebrate. although, i guess march 14th is steak and BJ day for guys, so i'm not sure if i can change that to vday. oh, who am i kidding....those are both the exact same day anyways!

ain't love grand....

out.
- L

the beginning of the end.....or is it the end of the beginning?

2008-02-13T23:54:00.000-08:00

my barbri prep class ended a few days ago. so, for the next two weeks up until the bar exam i'm studying on my own everyday. in some ways it's nice to be done with the class, because now i'm not learning any new material...from here on out its just reviewing what i've (re)learned over the last two months. and, now that i'm not in class, that's an extra 4-8 hours per day that i can devote to just studying.

however, i think i'm kind of going to miss the structure of studying while in class. now its all up to me, no one telling me what to do, and i've got 15 subjects to choose from. i'm too brain dead to make any decisions on my own. the other night, i stood in front of the fridge after i got home from studying trying to decide what i wanted to drink. i stood there for literally 10 minutes just staring - i couldn't decide what i wanted. finally i closed the fridge door and went to bed, without anything to drink.

there's only 2 weeks left until the bar which is both frightening and exciting at the same time. that's not much time to study all the shit i have to get through, so i'm a little nervous. but then again, just a little over 2 weeks until i get my life back, which is extremely exciting. i miss my life, even the little things. i added another list to the left of things i'm going to do when this is all over with. i guess i should probably go add sleeping to the list, but getting a fricking haircut is still my #1.

i got the new aqua teen hunger force season 5 dvd from netflix a few weeks ago. every night when i get home from the library, i usually put the tv on in the bedroom and get in bed. these days i'm so exhausted that i'm usually asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow. ATHF episodes are only about 10 minutes long, and after 2 weeks i still had not made it through one whole episode.

instead, i had to settle for this quote compliation made by someone much more talented than i.

out.
- L

i think i'm full

2008-02-07T21:09:00.000-08:00

only one more subject to learn....professional responsibility. i don't understand how people can retain all this information. it's hard enough to memorize all the shit for one class, nonetheless 15!!! i feel like there's not enough space in my brain for all this information. i feel like i'm starting to push other knowledge out to make room for all this law. i wish we could access our brains like computers and go in and delete all the useless knowledge we don't need, like song lyrics, or movie quotes, or exboyfriends, and make room for new stuff. 'cause i think my brain is full, and i need to make some more room.

there's an episode of married with children where kelly is going on a sports game show and she has to learn all this sports trivia, but has to kick other things out of her brain in order to make room for it. that's exactly how i feel.

see...that, exactly that. the fact that i even know about that episode is the perfect example of shit i'd like to kick out of my brain to make room ;)

i received some bad news tonight, that my sister gave away her dog to her exboyfriend. it's definitely what's best for the dog, and was the right thing to do, but i frickin LOVE sir charles. and, because i'm here swamped studying for the bar, i didn't even get to say goodbye. i'm really, really sad about this but because i have so much shit to do, i feel like i don't even get to be sad right now. guess that will have to be added to the list of things to take care of after the bar. :(

out.
- L

so, my school kinda rocks

2008-02-05T20:58:00.001-08:00

i think my school is really into getting us to pass the bar exam, because not only are they paying for all of us to take the bar prep class (at about $4,000 per student), but they also give us lots of other goodies too. for example, today when i walked into class, there were muffins and juice, little plastic bags filled with pens, pencils, earplugs...all the good bar studying stuff! AND, they announced that they're buying us lunch on friday. they usually buy us lunch about once a week, and they bring in good stuff too, like tacos, sandwiches, pizza, etc. and whenever there's leftovers, i get to take it all home. god bless free food. no wonder i've gained weight studying for the bar! although, oddly enough, my pants have become much looser, so i'm not sure where the weight is going. maybe my ass. that'd be sweeeeeet!!!

studying for the bar makes me feel like i'm in grade school again. i only have one class in the same classroom everyday. i have a locker where i keep all my books. and, i bring my lunch to school in a paperbag with my name written on it everyday. i've been trying to eat more healthily, but usually end up trying to trade my lunch for something better, like a snack pack.

happy super tuesday. hope everyone voted!

out.
- L

...and i don't even LIKE roller coasters!

2008-02-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

i have no idea what today is. this is like day 13 of straight classes, so everyday is exactly the same for me: wake up, go to class, either go to the library for the rest of the day/night, or go to work then the library for the rest of the night. every now and again i'll meet up with someone, but it makes no difference what day that is since they're all the same for me. it's weird not knowing what day it is. if i had to guess, i'd guess its monday. but i'm pretty sure that's wrong. i'm not even sure what month it is. i know its either the end of january or the beginning of february, but i'm not sure which. at least i'm pretty sure its 2008 :)

good god i need a day off.

studying for the bar is the biggest emotional roller coaster i have ever experienced. some mornings i wake up thinking "i can do this, i can pass this test." and, then there are the mornings where i wonder how anyone in all the history of bar exams has ever passed this test, and i'm convinced its a big conspiracy that people actually pass it and in reality no one has ever passed and the bar examiners are just playing dirty tricks on law school graduates. on those mornings i feel stupid, and drained, and incapable, and just want to give up.

and on days where i feel defeated, it tends to affect my self esteem in other parts of my life. like, i finally convinced myself, after weeks of thinking otherwise, that i am in fact NOT going bald. anyone who has ever seen me probably thinks this is pretty obvious. i have a lot of hair. not just because it's long, although right now its the longest its been in probably a decade, but even when its short i still have a lot. there are many many hairs on my huge noggin'. so why i ever thought i could possibly be going bald is beside me. but its true, i truly thought i was going bald. i even looked for cute hats on the internet to hide my shiny bald head. although, i'm not sure why i was wasting my time looking for hats when everyone knows bald chicks are cool.

oh, and the other day, i was convinced i was going deaf. turns out i had just left my ear plugs in for like 12 hours and forgotten about them. seriously.

this is what little sleep, and lots of stress will do to you. it's almost like being on drugs, because you're totally irrational, but not nearly as fun. :(

on the positive side, however, being totally irrational also makes one very excited about stupid, little things. like, the other day, someone offered to buy me dinner so i could have a meal that doesn't come in a box and takes longer than 3.5 minutes in the microwave to make, and i acted like that was the greatest news in the world. you would've thought i had just won the lottery.

on the first day of bar prep class the professors did warn us we'd be emotional rollercoasters and even told that at some point throughout all this, we'd break down crying. i haven't actually broken down crying yet about the actual exam, but i do find i'm much more emotional regarding other things. like, tears came to my eyes the other day while watching a t.v. program during my dinner break.....it just made me so sad that they wouldn't give homer any more donuts.

sometimes life is so unfair.

out.
- L

halfway point

2008-01-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

i think i'm about halfway done with my class. in fact, i think the bar is like exactly a month away. being halfway done sounds exciting and all, except that i feel like i've been taking this class for a freaking year. so, i can't believe i'm ONLY halfway done.

we finished relearning all the MBE subjects and had a simulated MBE test on friday. it was good practice, i'm sure, but frustrating. i had been doing very well on the practice questions for homework but didn't do as well as i would have liked on the actual in class test. i've been studying this shit for over a month, and spending LOTS of time studying it. it's really frustrating that i don't have it down as well as i'd like.

now that we're done with the MBE subjects, we still have to learn:

agency/partnership
civ pro
corporations
wills
trusts
remedies
community property
professional responsibility (ethics)

i've finally started to get a little stressed out, too. i was quite impressed that i haven't been stressed at all yet, but its starting to sink in a little. more than anything, i just feel irritable. usually it takes a lot to bother me, but little things annoy me now. like when someone who i know is just trying to be supportive will tell me to go home, take a nap and do something fun. unfortunately, if i had time to do that stuff, i'd already be doing it. you wouldn't have to tell this girl twice! ;)

i really miss having time to do the things i need to, even the boring routine things like cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, getting my car washed. and good god, do i need a freaking haircut!! i needed one about two months ago, so now its pretty bad. that's going to be one of the first things i do after the exam.

and, having a social life and dating is very difficult while studying for the bar. i've been a bad friend and bad lady friend for the past month. but, i don't know what's better - spending less time with friends, or spending more time with them but complaining incessently about the bar and being stressed out and being so tired that i feel like i'm about to pass out. and, going on dates is difficult because i don't have a whole night to devote to a date - we can go out for a little bit then i invite him back to my place to watch me study. hot date, huh?

i'm just so incredibly tired. today i went to class until 1pm, then straight to work, then straight to the library to study. for the past 4 days (yes, including sunday) i had class all day until 5pm. followed of course by many hours of studying. i'm so tired i feel like i'm in some dreamlike state when i'm not even sure what's real anymore. i study for like 12 hours a day, and i feel like i can't remember any of it.

being a lawyer better be awesome.

out.

- L

the BJ show

2008-01-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

my friend ninja steve likes to call it that.

the barrett-jackson classic car auction is this weekend in scottsdale. unfortunately due to studying for the bar, there's no way i can make it this year. i debated going for a long time, but i have class saturdays and i can't miss it. i'm really upset that i can't go, i've been going to the show every year for a few years now. i look forward to this more than i do the holidays - i would have rather skipped christmas if it meant i could go to barrett jackson. such is life.

BUT, there is also a barrett jackson auction every year in florida. its not nearly as big as the one in scottsdale, but it still sounds like buttloads of fun. i'm trying to convince my sister to go with me. anyone interested? its in late march - perfect way to celebrate finishing (and probably failing) the bar exam!

i have to say, i think the whole idea of a bar exam is stupid. anyone who can make it through 3 years of law school (especially given that over 1/3 of my class was kicked out first year) then they have the skills to be an attorney. at no time in my career as an attorney will i ever be expected to know the law for 15 different areas of law off the top of my head without referring to a rule book. in fact, that would be totally unprofessional. i think the requirement to be an attorney should involve a choice: either 1) graduate from an ABA accredited law school, or 2) pass the bar exam. that way, people who wanted to save the money and time associated with 3 years of law school could just study their ass of and take the bar exam.

i'm thinking of writing a letter to my congresspersons with my ideas. actually, it should probably go to the ABA people instead. i wonder if they receive a ton of letters about the futility of the bar exam from students about to take it. i bet they do. so, who's with me? who wants to campaign for the dissolution of the bar exam? i've started a fund where you can make a donation if you'd like to help my efforts to stop this sadistic and senseless test.

it's called the "Lindsay-wants-to-go-to-Florida-for-the-Barrett-Jackson-auction-and-needs-money fund." your donations are tax deductible and greatly appreciated.

here's a video of the auction from last year. carroll shelby (who is AWESOME) was there, and there was a pretty cool drifting show, not to mention record breaking auction sales for some sweeeeet cars.

but i'm sure studying will be almost as fun.

out.

- L

shhhh, it's a "secret"

2008-01-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

for christmas, among other things, i received this book as a gift:

i've seen the dvd, but was also interested in reading the book. if you haven't yet read/seen it, basically its about using the law of attraction to obtain the things you want in life. it involves realistically imagining the things you want and making room in your life for that thing. to help focus on that thing you want, it helps to have reminders. so, to help keep me focused on passing the bar, focusing on the positive, i've put up a few posters around my apartment that i created by cutting pictures out of magazines. the pictures were mostly taken from the local bar association magazine and feature pictures of attorneys doing "attorney things". i have no idea if this whole "law of attraction" thing really works, but i figured it doesn't hurt to try.

here's one of the posters up in my apartment:

but unfortunately, it's a little bit of a stretch to relate that poster to passing the bar - it really has nothing to do with the exam. it's too bad there's not a magazine ad like this:

maybe i should print THAT out and use it as a poster ;)

my friend gretchen sent me an email with those funny inspirational posters because one of them was on ninjas, and everyone knows how much i like ninjas. i don't know why, but this one in particular...

....gives me lots of hope about passing the bar. i'd like to have it made into a t-shirt as extral moral support, but i'm afraid i might get some funny looks. i guess i'll just have to settle for the cheesy picture of me above giving the "thumbs up." 'cause satan knows THAT won't get me any funny looks.

"as above, so below.
as within, so without."
- the emerald tablet (quoted in the secret)

out.
- L

indecision 2008

2008-01-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

i know i'm going to make myself sound like a big geek here, but i'm very excited for the elections this year. actually, i'm very scared too. a few of the candidates concern me a little. especially huckabee and romney. and that's coming from a republican!!

i really wish i had more time to be active in the elections right now. i'd love to volunteer for ron paul's campaign. i know the chances of him winning are slim to none, but i think he shows a lot of promise to be a great president.

so, if you are not registered to vote, this is the year to register! it's going to be a very exciting, very close election. and even if you're not into politics, you're going to want to pay attention. there are a wide variety of candidates with a wide variety of beliefs on the issues and a wide variety of views for the future of america. i promise you won't agree with all of it, so do something to make sure the ones you do agree with it are the ones dictating what happens.

really, when you think about it, there's no excuse not to vote.
- don't know anything about the candidates? research them here.
- think one vote doesn't make a difference? it can. besides, what if there are 10 people sitting at home thinking one vote doesn't make a difference? 100? 1000?
- too busy to vote? have work/school/jazzercise that day? request a mail in ballot.

regardless of who you're going to vote for, even if you loooove huckabee and think every public school day should start with a good ol' fashioned christian prayer, go out and vote.

because if you don't vote, you have no right to complain about what you get stuck with.

a guy i sit next to in class and i were discussing keeping count of all our vices during bar prep. i'm trying to exercise regularly to fight stress and the school vending machine is out of mini donuts, so these days my vices are limited to vitamin water and packages of fruit snacks, so they've joined the bar count on the left.

out.
- L

dreamland

2008-01-05T13:00:00.000-08:00

just a bit of random trivia: did you know that "dreamland" is a name given to area 51?

god, i'm such a nerd.

its a saturday and i had to go to school :( its a saturday, and i had to go walk many blocks to school early, in the rain. i slept through my alarm this morning. that rarely happens because i put my alarm on pretty loud. when i finally woke up and looked at the clock, i had been sleeping through almost 30 minutes of jazz and oldies. i have my alarm clock set to some local easy listening station because i find that makes me want to get out of bed faster. if there's a good song playing on the radio i'll lay in bed and listen, maybe dance a little (its possible, trust me). but when its michael bolton serenading some hairy chested italian guy named "guy" it makes me want to get out of bed. quickly.

just a quick tangent, i never understood why people name their sons "guy". those most be the most uncreative parents in the world. thank god my parents didn't name me "chick". although, i'm not sure i'm one to talk, since my stuffed camel is appropriately named "camel". but in my defense, i was 3.

so, i woke up late this morning because i tossed and turned all night last night, partly because of all the rain and wind, and partly because i dreamt of the bar exam all night long, specifically contracts. i gave up listening to my bar cds at night about a week ago because i found that all of my dreams were about the bar exam, and sleepy time is the only part of the day where i get a break from that shit.

but unfortunately, sometimes i still dream about the bar despite not listening to my cds before bed. and its not just one dream, its all night long. at some point in the middle of the night, i'll usually wake up and try to con myself into thinking about something else. "think of something fun and exciting" i'll say to myself. you know what the sad part is? at that time of the night, when i'm half awake, i can't come up with anything else to think about. usually i'll force myself to think about food or sex for a few minutes....long enough to get me to fall asleep and inevitably start dreaming about contracts again.

why can't i go back to having dirty dreams or dreams about scary circus clowns dancing the lambada like a normal woman?

i particularly miss having this one already:

i got invited to go to the charger playoff game tomorrow! what an amazing opportunity, but i of course can't go. i'm kinda upset, because beer and yelling is exactly what every bar studier needs.

oh well. maybe tonight i can at least dream of beer and yelling.

out.
- L

so this is the new year, and i don't feel any different

2008-01-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

there's a song by death cab for cutie called "the new year"...that's where the title for this post came from.

so this is the new year
and i don't feel any different.
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance.

so this is the new year
and i have no resolutions.
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions.

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once.
lighting firecrackers out on the front lawn
as thirty diaglogues bleed into one.

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes or speed trains or freeways
there'd be no distance that could hold us back.

i kinda like that song today, not only because today is new year's, but because it also describes how i feel about new years today.

don't get me wrong, i'm glad 2007 is over. in fact, i'm reeeeaaaaalllly glad its over. new year's eve last night was lots of fun and all, but 2007 was not a good year for me. in fact, just about the only thing that went right in my life this year was school, which is a rarity. i think i made the dean's list for every semester this year, but the rest of my life was pretty stressful, so i'm not sorry to see 2007 go.

on the other hand, i'm not exactly excited about 2008. at least, not the first few months of 2008. so i've decided that my new year doesn't start until i'm done with the bar exam in february. since 2007 sucked, i may as well extend it to include the bad parts of 2008. so, the next few months are going to be 2007 1/2, or 2007B. i'll make my new years resolution once 2008 starts on march 1st. i'll also go out and party on february 28th or whatever the last day of february is this year (i don't have the energy to look at a calendar and see if its leap year). so, get ready to celebrate new years all over again in march. until then, enjoy your 2007 part two, bitches!!

where i'd love to spend new year's someday:

out.

- L

back in sd

2007-12-28T19:30:00.000-08:00

i'm back home in san diego after christmas. actually, i've been back home for a few days and already back to school and had two practice tests.

i was only in arizona for a very short time, and it was pretty stressful. i debated going because i knew it would be stressful for reasons other than the bar exam, and the bar provides enough stress in my life right now to last a few lifetimes, so i'm all stocked up as it is.

i did get to see some friends at christie's holiday party, which was lots of fun. it was so nice to not think about the bar for a night. my friends are awesome, i feel really lucky to have some very interesting, intelligent, fun ladies as my friends. and, i got to see my buddy, the scroatster! although he didn't try to hump me like he used to. he did sniff my crotch a few times though, so i still feel loved.

my stepdad got a nintendo wii for christmas, so we played all night long.

it was lots of fun, i already know what's on my christmas list for next year! i rocked at baseball - i can throw an 75 mph curveball! so, at least if this whole lawyer thing doesn't work out i have that going for me ;)

the international auto show is in san diego this weekend. i'd be really excited about that, except that i have class all weekend :( can you believe it? school on a weekend?

it's nice to be home and have my own bed again. when i'm in arizona, i share a bed with my sister....

....and her two dogs.

that by itself wouldn't be too bad, although a little crowded, except this one....
...has really bad gas. which makes for an interesting night.

santa brought me the best gift i could've asked for - a parking pass for a lot near my school. parking in that area is hell. this morning i walked 10 blocks to school, carrying probably 40 lbs of books, uphill both ways ;) its not the safest neighborhood for walking to my car late at night, so the pass will get LOTS of use!

lots of other stuff to talk about, but i have an MBE test tomorrow morning, so plenty of work to do tonight. one last picture, just for fun. there are few things in this world as beautiful as a desert sunset.

out.
- L

happy holidays!

2007-12-24T11:40:00.000-08:00

i'm in arizona for the holidays. i only get a few days off from class, so i'm not here long. the sad part, i had to bring work with me. but, i'm determined to do nothing but relax and enjoy the time off tomorrow on christmas. its weird, i have to actually tell myself not to study. i'll have to resist the temptation that while everyone else is napping or playing with their presents, that i shouldn't go excuse myself and pick up a book and study.

but, i swear i will not study on christmas!

this was the holiday card i sent out this year. cute, huh?

and oh so true, me buried in books :(

happy holidays to all! hope you don't do any studying tomorrow either!

out.

- L

study while you sleep

2007-12-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

wow. studying for the bar suuuuuuuucks. i've only been at it for a few days, but it's worse than i expected. and honestly, i expected it to be pretty bad. i basically do nothing but study, go to work, and sleep these days. life suddenly became VERY boring! it's funny how i make it sound like it used to be interesting ;)

i have, however, gotten creative about ways to fit in studying time. i downloaded (uploaded?) some MBE subject lectures on cd to my iPod. now, i can listen to them at the gym, in the car, while walking to/from school, or while eating. i've found it helps me get in my 10-12 hours of studying a day. i've also started listening to law lectures at night while sleeping. there's an episode of the tv show "friends" where chandler is trying to quit smoking so he listens to a tape at night that tells him he is a "strong, confident woman that doesn't need to smoke". the tapes help chandler to stop smoking, but also make him start acting like a woman. here's the episode, in case you care to watch:

anyway, i started thinking that maybe there's something to this whole "subliminal message" thing. so, i'm listening to law while i sleep. do you think i get to count that as 7 hours of studying? ;)

i've also made some bar flashcards. i'm interested to see how many flashcards i have when this is all over with. i bet i'll have a few hundred cards to memorize, which kind of defeats the whole purpose of making flaschards. but, they too help me fit in a few more minutes of studying here and there. i'm going over my flashcards while at work today. and, i look over the cards while soaking in the bathtub. i even look over them sometimes when going to the bathroom.

the good news is, today is friday and i don't have class again until next thursday! woo hoo! i still of course have to study every day but christmas, but it will be a lot easier to get in my hours of studying when i'm not in class for part of the day.

i took some sample constitutional law (the subject from yesterday & today) MBE questions yesterday while studying. i looked at the beginner, intermediate, and advanced questions. i did horrible on the beginner questions - i missed almost 50% of them. but ironically, i rocked the intermediate & advanced, getting over 80% correct! isn't that strange? turns out i'm just too damn smart for the easy questions ;) i hope the intermediate and advanced questions are on the bar. i'm sure this is the only subject where i'll actually wish for hard questions!

back to work, then studying.

peace out.
- L

goals

2007-12-18T20:56:00.000-08:00

wow. it has been a VERY long day. was at school from 7:30am to 2:00pm (have i mentioned that i'm not a morning person?), then straight to work from 2:30-5:00pm. came home & had my left over subway sandwich (mmmm, sandwiches) & headed to the library, which is where i'm at now. i have to memorize half of the 50 page tort outline for tomorrow. good god, what have i gotten myself into?

at least torts is kinda interesting. did you know you can't defend your property with lethal force? a common misconception is that you can shoot trespassers. you can't. the torts professor giving the lecture was actually quite funny, so that also helped keep me from falling asleep after 7 hours of shit. he used a lot of sexual references in his examples - my kind of professor. i now know much more about syphyllis than i ever wanted to. hopefully i know a little something about torts, too.

the boring intro lecture this morning talked about preparing for the bar and setting some goals to keep us disciplined, so i've decided to do just that. i'm sure my goals will need some fine tuning as i better understand exactly what i need to do, but here they are for now:

- complete at least 1700 practice MBEs (those are the multiple choice questions on the bar) by the time the bar rolls around
- complete at least 5 essays by the bar
- complete at least 3 Performance Tests by the bar
- go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week
- have at least one night a week where i don't study for at least 3 hours (more if i'm caught up) and do whatever i want
- sleep at least 7 hours a night
- call friends/family at least once every two weeks
- limit my weight gained (i know i'll probably gain a little because of stress, sitting on my ass studying all day, and not eating as healthy as i should) to 5 lbs over the two months
- shower daily. i've heard lots of stories about bar studiers that stop showering/shaving. i don't want to be "that" girl - you know, the one that smells.

i'll think of more later, but if i'm going to get in my 7 hours of sleep tonight, i better get back to work.

out.
- L
-

back to school

2007-12-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

school starts tomorrow. to be honest, i'm kinda nervous. i have no idea what to expect. i don't even know how long class is tomorrow - i haven't received a schedule yet. all i know is that i show up tomorrow morning at 8am.

i feel like i'm a little kid again nervous about the first day of school. tonight i dusted off my backpack. it's seen a lot of use recently, but not for school in a while. it has sand in it from all its trips to the beach. and, it had a few drops of pee on it from that puppy at dog beach that thought it looked like a fire hydrant. and, it has some leaves in it from all the wind and rain last weekend when we took it to december nights at balboa park. at least i showed it a good time during its break ;)

i also made my little bag lunch, complete with my name on the bag. in law school, my name is "ms. junck", so that's the name i write on my bag. that way people KNOW its mine. i guarantee there's no other "junck" at my school, so that "oh, i thought it was mine" crap aint' gonna fly.

i'm also going to go set out my outfit for tomorrow. that's mostly because i badly need to do laundry right now and i don't want to waste the time in the morning finding something clean.

it's been four months since school ended, so i feel a little rusty. and, unfortunately for me, the majority of what's on the bar exam is what is taught during the first year of law school. i feel disadvantaged because my first year was one year longer ago than anyone else taking this test for the first time, due to my stupid medical leave of absence. its bad enough that my leave comes back to haunt me everytime i feel sick, but now it's like a huge cloud over my head. my first year of law school was four years ago, and i don't remember much from it. i feel completely disadvantaged.

i really shouldn't feel too nervous. although i've had a lot of fun over the past four months since school has been out and have been going out quite a bit, i've also been pretty good about studying. two to three times a week i've had study nights. and, i've taught myself constitutional law 2 (a class i never took) by reading books and giving myself tests. it was almost like taking the class. the good news is i passed, although my professor was kind of crazy. just kidding ;)

i had coffee tonight with someone i used to know and was reminded of how things always look different in hindsight. there are things in my life i would have done differently. even looking back tonight, there are so many things i'd like to change about the past year. actually, just one big thing. i can't help but wonder how my life would be different today if i could change that. i hope that when the bar is over, i don't look back and wish i did these next few months differently.

i bet school won't be so bad. but i feel a little like billy madison intimidated by the first day of school. i've been singing the "back to school" song all day long.

well, here goes nothin'.

out.
-L

changing "careers"

2007-12-16T02:46:00.000-08:00

yesterday was my last full day of work for a while. i'll still go to work a few times a week, but studying is now my full time job. after four months of being out of school, i am a student yet again. i've always loved being a student - i love learning. not sure i'm going to like this learning quite so much, but i'm trying to put a positive spin on it.

passing this exam (whenever that may occur) also allows me to move up. i can never be anything more than a law clerk without it.

besides, a break from working full time sounds nice. at least now i can stop showering every morning.

just kidding.

i will miss work though. where else can i be a goof?

out.
- L

a preview of what's to come

2007-12-11T14:11:00.000-08:00

over the past few months i've found it challenging to learn to talk to people about something other than law school. since that's been such a big part of my life for the past 4 years, its a big part of my conversation arsenal. i've noticed that when i talk about things, everything occurred in relation to law school. for example, i started going out with my exboyfriend during my second year of law school. or, i obtained my current car duing my first year of law school. really....why can't i say that i got it in late 2003? people must wonder what the hell i'm talking about. i've been trying to rectify this problem, but its definitely been a challenge. i wonder if for the next few months everything will be in relation to bar studying. such as: i saw comedian joey diaz perform during my first week of bar studying. (that's next friday - should be fun).

i went on a date recently, and it was a normal, lawschool-less date, until he made the mistake of asking about the bar exam. ten minutes later i found myself still talking about the exam, about how much time i'll spend studying for it, what's on the test, the pass/fail rate, etc. don't i sound like such a fun date?! hell, even i wouldn't want to date me right now, and i ALWAYS want to date me :)

at least i'm not like this on a date:

i promise one day i'll be interesting again. unless you never thought i was interesting, then in that case.....good news! i already meet your expectations of uninterestingness.

but for the next few months, don't expect anything intelligent or interesting to come out of my mouth, and in return, i'll try to learn to talk about something besides the bar exam.

- L

the holidays

2007-12-06T10:39:00.001-08:00

i'm still debating whether i will go home to arizona for christmas. it's only 20 days away, so if i'm going to get a flight reservation i probably need to jump on that soon. i think we only get a few days off from bar class for the holiday though, and i know if i go home i won't get any studying done. but then again, being alone on christmas in my little apartment sounds really depressing. besides, i don't have a fireplace....how is santa going to get in??

it's amazing how my life begins to revolve around this exam. wanna know what exciting gifts i'm asking santa for this year? a parking pass for one of the lots near my school library. woo frickin hooooo.

i'm hoping my christmas looks a little like this:

"life is more than the sum of its parts."

- L

the countdown is on!!

2007-12-01T11:50:00.000-08:00

first off, i'm studying for the bar, so don't expect any proper capitalization or grammar here. i'll spit out buttloads of essays displaying correct usage of the english language in three months when my future depends on it. until then, i'm not wasting the brain power or the finger strength reaching for the shift key.

added a countdown clock below using my very favorite cartoon characters of all times, cow and chicken. i still think cow and chicken is just about the funniest cartoon ever. or the stupidest. its a good thing those aren't mutually exclusive. at the time of this post, there are 86 days until the bar exam. that's just under three months which, right now, sounds like a long ways away. i know it will be here tomorrow.

i'm not yet nervous about taking the exam - that will come later when the barbri course professors constantly remind me how impossible this exam is. no, now i'm more nervous (or should i have said "nervouser" since i'm disregarding grammar?) about having no life for two-and-a-half months. am i really supposed to do nothing but study from now until then? especially when i've never looked cuter???

sense the sarcasm.

the pre-bar review class i was taking ended yesterday. that's exciting. the bar review starts in two weeks. that's depressing. looks like i have two weeks of freedom followed by two-and-a-half months of slowly torturing myself into a studying-induced oblivion.

if only "bar" exam meant i was tested on how to make delicious alcoholic concoctions. i might actually pass that one.

and so it begins.

- L