SIX days???????

wow. i just checked those little countdown clocks on my fellow bar bloggers sites and realized there are only SIX days until results are released. i suppose i could have easily figured that out if i was counting, but i'm still under the delusion that i'm not worrying with every breah i take what the results will say.

it's weird, i haven't been thinking about it at all until about a week ago, and now, i have a difficult time thinking about anything else. my non-law school friends and family regularly ask when results come out (since it HAS been two-and-a-half months since we took the exam). i still always tell them "they come out in a few weeks." even now when it's only SIX days, i give the same ridiculous answer. i know i'll have to call everyone next weekend and tell them how i did, i just don't want a million phone calls next friday from people asking.

and after i respond that results come out in a few weeks, friends and family always say that phrase that i hate....

"don't worry, i bet you rocked the exam. you're smart, how could you not?"

it's great that people are so supportive, and have so much confidence in me. but the people who say things like that clearly don't understand the bar exam. because let's face it....very few people "rock" the bar exam. and, smarts doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. everyone who takes the bar exam made it through 4 years of college and 3 years of law school...that's pretty smart in my book. and yet over half of those people DON'T pass the exam.

also, because my laptop crashed during the exam, i didn't even get to finish thursday's essays and PT. so, while i'm trying to be positive and hope for the best, i am realistic enough to know that my chances are not good. but when people say things like they are so sure i passed, it makes it that much harder to call them next week and tell them i didn't.

a part of me just wants to know, even if i failed, because waiting is probably worse than anything. but, another part of me wants to continue to live in the ignorant bliss of still having a chance. i cleaned out all my barbri books from my locker at school this week and had an eerie feeling as i entered the building after being away for three months. all i kept thinking is..."i hope i'm not here next week studying again." i don't know if i can do that again. i have complete respect for people who take the exam more than once, knowing how difficult and challenging it was just once.

it certainly does help to stop by other bloggers' sites and know that i'm not the only one that is starting to get a little nervous. thank god for the internet.