...and i don't even LIKE roller coasters!

i have no idea what today is. this is like day 13 of straight classes, so everyday is exactly the same for me: wake up, go to class, either go to the library for the rest of the day/night, or go to work then the library for the rest of the night. every now and again i'll meet up with someone, but it makes no difference what day that is since they're all the same for me. it's weird not knowing what day it is. if i had to guess, i'd guess its monday. but i'm pretty sure that's wrong. i'm not even sure what month it is. i know its either the end of january or the beginning of february, but i'm not sure which. at least i'm pretty sure its 2008 :)

good god i need a day off.

studying for the bar is the biggest emotional roller coaster i have ever experienced. some mornings i wake up thinking "i can do this, i can pass this test." and, then there are the mornings where i wonder how anyone in all the history of bar exams has ever passed this test, and i'm convinced its a big conspiracy that people actually pass it and in reality no one has ever passed and the bar examiners are just playing dirty tricks on law school graduates. on those mornings i feel stupid, and drained, and incapable, and just want to give up.



and on days where i feel defeated, it tends to affect my self esteem in other parts of my life. like, i finally convinced myself, after weeks of thinking otherwise, that i am in fact NOT going bald. anyone who has ever seen me probably thinks this is pretty obvious. i have a lot of hair. not just because it's long, although right now its the longest its been in probably a decade, but even when its short i still have a lot. there are many many hairs on my huge noggin'. so why i ever thought i could possibly be going bald is beside me. but its true, i truly thought i was going bald. i even looked for cute hats on the internet to hide my shiny bald head. although, i'm not sure why i was wasting my time looking for hats when everyone knows bald chicks are cool.


oh, and the other day, i was convinced i was going deaf. turns out i had just left my ear plugs in for like 12 hours and forgotten about them. seriously.

this is what little sleep, and lots of stress will do to you. it's almost like being on drugs, because you're totally irrational, but not nearly as fun. :(

on the positive side, however, being totally irrational also makes one very excited about stupid, little things. like, the other day, someone offered to buy me dinner so i could have a meal that doesn't come in a box and takes longer than 3.5 minutes in the microwave to make, and i acted like that was the greatest news in the world. you would've thought i had just won the lottery.

on the first day of bar prep class the professors did warn us we'd be emotional rollercoasters and even told that at some point throughout all this, we'd break down crying. i haven't actually broken down crying yet about the actual exam, but i do find i'm much more emotional regarding other things. like, tears came to my eyes the other day while watching a t.v. program during my dinner break.....it just made me so sad that they wouldn't give homer any more donuts.

sometimes life is so unfair.

out.
- L